Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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