Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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