He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
