you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
