Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
