Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
