That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
