I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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