it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
