a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
