So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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