I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
