I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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