You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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