I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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