worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
