Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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