I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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