the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
