Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
