Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
