Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
