her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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