Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize