when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
