at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
