I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
