On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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