That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
