did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
