I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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