What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
