we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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