i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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