Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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