I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
