he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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