a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
