we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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