Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You're like the curious george of whores
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
