she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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