this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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