I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
