just come out here and I will go home with you...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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