I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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