He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
