i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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