i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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