I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
