You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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