so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
