Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
