We got so high we made milksteak
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
