i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize