I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize