soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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