Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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