Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were trust falling into bushes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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