her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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