I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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