I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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