There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
