I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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