So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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