Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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