This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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