i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
