I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize