you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
