Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
