yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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