I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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