I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
