Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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