Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
