please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize