i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Randomize
