he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
