His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
