I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
