11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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